A client recently said to me, “I never really understood what Decloaking means.”
It stuck with me, because I know how real that feeling is. So today, I wanted to write to you about it.
I call this one "The layers and emergence of truth".
Have you ever felt like you want to crawl out of your skin, uncertain of even why?
Exhausted from a fake-it-till-you-make it mindset that insists you’re broken?
Enraged from knowing better but somehow not being able to live it?
I know what that’s like, intimately.
Seven years ago I wouldn’t have been able to spell this out like I’m about to now. I couldn’t because I didn’t have the experiences of transformation that have led me to where I am today.
So when a client I work with recently said to me "I never understood what decloaking means", I knew exactly what she was talking about.
You see, the women I work with, like myself in the beginning of my Decloaking journey, have no idea that they are living cloaked.
They are honest (as honest as they know to be), intelligent and resourceful women who have tried it all. They are doing their best and nearing their edge trying to “hold it together”.
What they don’t yet understand is that convincing themselves that “I’m fine” when their body is filled with not-fine is self-deception.
In that nanosecond of pretending (usually for the greater good), what the woman has done is cloak the truth of her experience from herself so that she doesn’t have to deal with what she believes would be the consequences of admitting “I’m not fine”.
Alright, I know – that’s a mouthful of a statement. So let’s break it down practically.
This is a hypothetical situation that is generalizable across most women, so play with me here.
You know your marriage is not what you’d hoped it would be.
You believed that if you did your very best that your marriage would be ‘fixed’.
So you sacrificed a whole lotta yourself and what’s important to you, like that job or moving across the country.
One day, you realized that it’s been two decades and not only has your ‘relationship’ not improved, but it has gotten worse.
There are expectations and obligations that run the show now. A good wife would ____________.
Now, you share a bed with a man yet you feel profoundly lonely.
You feel trapped in a reality you created, but never intended.
You wanted something else. Something warm. Something that feels ‘right’ and you feel you belong to.
But instead you find yourself in the midst of the people you love most, alone. Disconnected. Like an outsider looking in.
Suddenly you notice – you’re floating, hovering above your life and see your body interacting with everyone. Where’s the life in her?
But when your husband interrupts this and asks “hey, are you ok?” you say “of course!” and go on about your day.
You know that if you tell him you’re not ok, he’ll just make a mountain out of a molehill and you’ll be back where you started.
Plus you don’t really want a divorce, anyway.
Still, that feeling of disconnect doesn’t go away – it lingers. And it manifests as pain in the body. Jaws locked. Stomach curled inward. Endometriosis. Heart-ache.
So you numb the pain with work. Wine. Scrolling – anything to take the edge of.
Yet the edge is ever-present …
& the edge is where evolution unfurls.
It's in those moments of pressure that you and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, we are in the presence of truth seeking to get our attention.
What to do with that and how to engage that moment is what we explore in the Decloaking intensive.
What would your life look like if you trusted the edge and knew it was only showing up for your own good?
The edge holds information for you. But...
The voice of trauma is loud and invasive. So it hijacks your body and makes you feel inadequate and uncertain. It makes you question your inner cues. And it makes you believe you are wrong.
But what if that belief system is wrong?
Here’s my take on it: if you’re living in pain, you’re living cloaked to a truth that has yet to be revealed, integrated, and lived.
That's the point of Decloaking - to help you trust what you know.
That way, you trust that when you're on edge, thatis your opportunity for self-discovery, and therefore evolution.