The difference between becoming confident and trusting ourselves and remaining stuck in self-doubt is our desire and courage to dive deep into the places and spaces that feel uncertain, ouchy, and then...yucky.
This is not an easy process, by any means. Otherwise everyone would do it. And they're not.
In fact, most people choose the status quo of their lives because change is difficult.
As I'm preparing for a conference application on resilience, I chose the topic of "untangling trauma from 0 - 7" to focus on.
Why? Because during those ages, we have very little say in what is done TO us. And that is how trauma is normalized and passed on, unconsciously through:
- epigenetics
- power of modeling
- the invisible cultural and familiar norms delivered through parenting
Perhaps you've heard about the different types of brainwaves. Here's why children from 0-7 are so vulnerable:
🎙️Listen to the podcast🎙️
or keep reading ...
As you can see, during those ages we are operating from states of consciousness that are prone to hypnosis without words.
In this "highly programmable state", we learn to become who we have now been, running life on "subconscious programs".
In other words, we learn what's normal (aka acceptable) as children and then replicate it out of our conscious awareness as adults.
This is how habits are formed.
Habits of mind. Habits of self. Habits of choice. Habits of beliefs. Habits of strategies. Habits of behaviour. Habits of who we become. Patterns repeating, out of our awareness.
How many times have you heard someone say "this just who I am -- take it or leave it". Well, yes ... and, no. Because who we become can be pattern-interrupted so we choose who we become.
But.
It's hard work.
It's reeeeeeally freaking hard work.
In fact, from my experience, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Over and over again.
Intentionally. Choose it. Time and again. No-matter-what. (hint: this is the trick)
Because the alternative is the (mal)adaptive response I developed as a child in response to my chaotic and unpredictable environment growing up.
My situation was intense because ... well, let's call it "communist Albania"
Before you think you're spared or you're different, in the last five years working with women I have to discover that everyone's environment growing up was uniquely chaotic.
Most people don't want to admit it because that's the yucky stuff.
To get to the yucky, we must go through the ouchy, and before that we must go through the layers of uncertainty so we discover certainty.
And, none of that is possible unless we want it AND choose it, because we have a deep and relentless desire to soothe the restlessness that won't leave us alone.
Which is why I know that intentional evolution and transformation of self it is not for everyone.
So, if you're reading this far, I'm going to presuppose that you want to find a way to cope with your internal pain.
Here are three things I want you to keep in the back of your awareness as you move through your week:
- What you call trauma carries genius for you to discover more about yourself so you live in alignment with your truth. Why would you want to do that? Well, here's why ...
Decloaking the hurt is the first step. Then comes integration. Understanding the architecture of your mind will help you embrace rather than avoid (therefore trust rather than fear).
2. Willpower doesn't work. Redirecting our energy to evolve with intention is where the power lives. That's how we become resourceful and resilient.
3. It all starts with the desire to decloak the truth we carry so we free ourselves of the lies. After all, no need to really explain to you the impact of lies -- you've probably watched enough "reality tv" to know the shit show secrets and lies cause. Just like on the outside, that's the havoc they cause on the inside too.
Transform how you relate to yourself and heal by becoming real.